IMG_3417 - Anjie Breiling

I knew I always wanted to be a Mom. I always figured it would happen easily and at the “normal” time of life. Whatever that means. I imagined that I would be married in my mid-twenties and have 2-3 kids by the time I was in my early-thirties.

But I didn’t meet my now husband until I was 37 and we weren’t married until I was almost 42. Not that we were at all planning it, but we were ‘those people’ that actually got pregnant on our honeymoon.

Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended at 10 weeks. We waited for a few months to officially start trying to get pregnant. We knew it was already a race against time, but figured it wouldn’t be that hard since we got pregnant without even trying before that.

Months went by with no news. We decided to see a fertility specialist to make sure everything was “working”. Everything seemed to be okay, other than my age, so we decided to move forward with IVF.

Over the next 2 years we had multiple rounds of shots and egg retrievals but never had any viable embryos. In the spring of 2015, we decided to take a much-needed break from all of the hormones, negative pregnancy tests and disappointment.

Cliche number two – that’s when we became pregnant with our now 5 year old son, with no assistance.

‘They’ always say that it happens when you’re not trying, and it could not have been more true for us. My OB-Gyn (kindly) warned me about all the things that could/would likely go wrong during my pregnancy and delivery because of my “advanced maternal age”.

Fortunately, my pregnancy was pretty run-of-the-mill and I delivered my son with no complications just before I turned 45.

I am absolutely loving motherhood, but I’ll admit, it’s a lot more exhausting than I ever thought it would be. Our son is amazing, but I can definitely feel my “advanced maternal age”.

Luckily, my husband is 13 years younger than me, so he can keep up when I can’t!

I often worry about what it will be like for my son when he’s older and I’m “old”, but I try not to focus on that too much right now. I do feel bad that he has no siblings – I really want that for him.

We are actually working with an adoption agency and are in a pool of waiting families to be chosen, but the longer this process takes, the more often I remember that I’m not getting any younger.

I will say, as an older Mom, I think I am WAY more relaxed about things than I think I would have been had I had kids earlier in life. I used to care SO much about what others thought of me, but as I’ve aged, I’ve learned/decided that I’m not so concerned about others’ thoughts of me. I mean, I care about people, I’m not rude or anything, but I’m also not bothered about what they think about my parenting skills, or lack thereof.

I am now much better able to appreciate that we’re all in this together, but that we also all do motherhood differently, and that’s okay.

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1 Comment

  1. Thank you so much for sharing, Anjie! I so agree with your point about being more relaxed and accepting at this age. I think my energy is a lot more calm now than when I was younger, and my son picks up on that. Hoping the adoption winds blow in your favor!

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